Talk to any South Ozzie surfer and they’ll have a story of an epic session somewhere along the ten odd km of coast South-East of Middleton. You’ll hear about the 5 second tube they got inside Drib’s Bay, the 200m long right hander they snagged off the Grassy Knoll on a six foot day, or the insanely perfect bank that appeared at Goolwa one day - only to vanish the very next. Then there’s the tales of the Murray Mouth, and the longest rides ever experienced on the South Fleurieu Coast. Nostalgic ramblings recounting the sheer perfection and consistency of those months in 1989 will invariably be followed by a disheveled sigh, and a downcast shake of the head.
A sensible, well traveled surfer will call bullshit on such stories… and with good reason.
For a start, the gentle incline of the long stretch of beach breaks that span Day St., Surfer’s, Cliffs
and Goolwa slowly dissipates the vast majority of the surf’s power. The Coastline is actually very exposed to South swells, but by the time they get within 250m of the beach they have lost much of their punch. Of course… South swell is not always on offer, and the more Westerly in direction the swell swings, the more of it rolls right past Middleton and Goolwa without stopping. Then there’s the wind. Anything from ESE ’round to SW is onshore pretty much everywhere, and many years have been cursed with virtually non stop sou-easters from the October long weekend until Xmas. Even the lightest of these will reduce the most perfectly aligned and organised swell to a dribbly series of unconnected peaks, near impossible to ride for more than ten meters.
Then there’s the dreaded weed. Storms can dump mountains of it along the beach for kilometers – where it sits for weeks rotting and giving off an ungodly reek. If you’re really lucky, the weed will be accompanied by the mysterious “brown tide”, which turns an otherwise pleasant lineup into something resembling a gigantic wavepool filled with Coca Cola froth. These two elements seem to react chemically and bond at a molecular level with the neoprene in your wetsuit. It will never smell the same. Ever.
Even under the dream scenario of a run of offshore N – NW winds in summer, and a series of south swells, things can still go horribly wrong. 2 – 3′ waves will stand up as they approach you, only to roll over the bank without breaking… and continue almost all the way in until they close out in shallow water. 5 – 6′ waves will form 4 rows of seemingly impenetrable whitewater, and after 40 minutes of futile paddling the smaller sets will still break 20m inside, and the bigger ones will still all break on your head. And you’ll be almost a kay offshore. 100m up the beach will be what appears to be a perfect A-frame, until you paddle over there… and it just disappears. At this point you will look back to where you just paddled from to see half a dozen perfect overhead walls just reel off mechanically. You have entered the realm of the “Holy Grail surf”, where you can see the perfect set up but never quite get near enough to touch it.
If that’s not enough to make you sell up and move to the South Coast of NSW, consider what it’s like on one of those very rare days with fine weather, clear green water, and surf mag poster waves. If the swell is big enough and from the right direction, and the sand is perfectly placed, you might spot a dredgy little barrel inside Middleton Bay. You’ll also spot about 200 local grommets all over it. Off the point might also look fun… but the easy paddle means all nearby peaks will be chokkers with longboarders, learners, and learners on longboards. As you head along Surfer’s Parade past Day St. you’ll come across the first packed carpark, and at least two areas flagged off by surf schools. The next carpark has a toilet nearby, so this one is choked with incontinent day tripping senior citizens. Up at the Grassy Knoll there is of course, a longboard competition… and yet another on at Cliffs.
Somewhere amid the chaos though, you’ll think you have found a gap… and you’ll attempt to sneak out there. You might even paddle out and find a moment’s solitude… which will last all of about thirty seconds. As you paddle back out from your first wave, 10 guys will be sitting precisely where you took off. This will almost certainly attract several longboarders from neighbouring peaks. They will take all the set waves, but will be outgunned by two guys on 10′ malibus… but only until three stand-up paddle board riders muscle in and start picking up everything that moves. Just when you think it can’t get more ridiculous, a surf boat crammed with musclebound clubbies will come crashing through the peak sideways like an out-of control eighteen wheeler with no brakes, the sweep screaming “get the f*** outta the way, idiots!”. At this point, seasoned campaigners have been known to catch the next foam ball in and hobble up the beach, disgruntled and defeated… vowing never to return to such a god forsaken place.
For all its history and folklore, the Maligned Coast is for the most part, a very mediochre place to surf. Sub tropically suntanned, smug expats have a saying: “…crap for six months of the year and onshore for the other six”. There are guys who have just never, ever turned left at the Hayborough roundabout heading into Victor, such is their disdain for it. Yet over the last few months, stories have been filtering back… stories that fly in the face of the well earned reputation this coast has for woeful waves. 200m long walls a stone’s throw from Goolwa and makeable tubes at Cliffs with crystal clear water and well formed banks. Two weeks of offshores and nothing under three feet. You could laugh these stories off as exaggerations or anomalies, but the number circulating in the last month has observers wondering if we haven’t entered some drug-induced mass hysteria, or quite possibly, an Age of Aquarius confined to just 8km of beach.
In the last 25 years there must have been hundreds of very good days, but indifferent, and downright horrible days must number in the thousands. The last few months have not been all-time by any stretch, but given how patchy the months from July to October have been in recent years, it’s a welcome change. Often weeks may pass between half decent days, but up until mid October this year you could almost bank on one or two good days every week.
Most likely we’ll get our reality check soon enough, as Christmas crowds and days of South East slop again lead us to question what on earth makes us bother with the Maligned Coast. But I’ll have a little bookmark in the 2009 surf diary for Tuesday, September 29. Pretty much everyone I have spoken to that surfed that day agrees - it gets bigger… but it doesn’t get much better. Here’s a few pics snapped off under fading light as the sun sunk behind Victor.
Since April 2000 Surfsouthoz has delivered surf reports, pics, and surf news to South Australian surfers. Over that time we’ve established ourselves as the most reliable and longest running free surf report in SA - and created a respected brand along the way.
